Fulfilling Our Desire To Feel Expressed

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

I have found myself in an unexpected position this year that I’m fairly confident has little or nothing to do with the COVID-19 pandemic.

After earning a whopping $2,500 with my coaching “business” (the most I’ve ever made and a remarkably unremarkable figure), I found myself settling into what I thought was a helpful mindset.

I could finally see the value in playing the long game—failing a million times, so I could reach that “one million and oneth” time where everything finally clicks. I’m one year away from 30, and the urgency of my 20’s is subsiding.

But, settling into this long game mindset put a stop to everything. I’ve made zero attempts at obtaining coaching clients this year. I’ve made a pivot in my target audience and built all of the messaging frameworks I need to begin attracting new clients, but I simply stopped.

It’s all there, waiting for me, so what’s the deal? What has become a bigger priority for me?

I have been leading 2020 with a deep desire to feel expressed. I don’t need anyone to hear or acknowledge me. I simply need to know that what I’m feeling is somewhere out in the world in a public way—accessible to anyone who might go looking for it (whatever that means).

That need to feel expressed can show up anywhere. It might be an Instagram story, a tweet, a Medium article, or a conversation with a stranger who shows some interest in what I’m blabbering on about.

And, it can also show up in how I market my coaching business.

The same thing that makes me stop and go with my business is the same thing that makes me stop in my tracks when I’m about to write—the need to “get it right.”

What I’m really leaning into right now is a change in self-belief that says “you have everything you need to create; just do it.”

On Sunday evening, in about 90 minutes, I set up a landing page, created an account on Square for scheduling, created a graphic that shows my coaching program roadmap, and hit publish.

I got out of my own way, stopped thinking, and just produced something. Is it good? If 100 people find themselves on that landing page and zero people schedule a call, was I wasting my time?

Who knows? That’s the whole damn point. At least I’ll be able to find out and see. If zero people find themselves going to a landing page that doesn’t exist, I’m still right where I am. And, right where I am is pretty alright.

I have a good day job. I live in a van and get to see the amazing landscapes of the United States. I have a partner I get to spend the rest of my life with. I have a dog who brings me constant joy. I have a mother, father, and sisters who love me. I have people in my life who care about others.

If I have a successful business, that will just be extra icing on the most delicious cake one could bake. I don’t need extra icing.

After breaking through that barrier of doing something, anything for my business, the next challenge was writing. I’ve always wanted to write long-form, well-researched, engaging pieces about anything and everything under the sun.

This desire wholly conflicts with the targeted and relevant content I’m supposed to produce for the audience I want to draw into my coaching business.

But, I wanted to keep the “you know what to do; just do it” philosophy going. I failed living out that philosophy last night and wrote/researched nothing. Tonight, I showed up again and now I’m writing this winding-all-over-the-place article.

Why?

Because, once again, what was getting in the way was my need to get something out of my head and on paper. This idea of fulfilling our desire to feel expressed has been on my mind for months.

There are limitless ways I could better express exactly what I want to say, but this is simply how it came out when I decided to stop thinking about it. In my head, I never had any intention to relate this to my business stagnancy. But, here it is.

It’s what needed to be said tonight. And, that’s all that really matters. Perhaps tomorrow, what I will feel the need to be expressed will be some crazy story about a discovery in neuroscience that opens up an enormous door to my first real, long-form piece. Or, maybe I’ll just write about what I imagine my dog dreams about.

Either way, it will be what needs to be expressed and that’s what I need right now.

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Paul Haluszczak

Paul Haluszczak

Driven to guide others in becoming experts on themselves. Knowledge of self will always be evergreen.